The discourse on modesty
The Parasha in our everyday life - Balak - 5782
Rabbi Eliezer Shenvald - Rosh Yeshivat Hesder 'Meir Harel' Modi'in
The public discourse on the principles of modesty and the relationship "between him and her" in Judaism, does not fall off the public and media agenda. It is often raised from the postmodern approach that attempts to present them as dark principles from the past, unsuitable for the new era. It doesn't present a truthful and balanced image, but rather tries to provoke and ridicule. It sees these are remnants of a patriarchal, exploitative world, designed to preserve men's control over women. In them they see the reason for the failure to achieve the desired equality for women, in society and in the military. And some even go so far as to falsely claim that these cause sexual abuse. These claims mask in thick smoke the obvious questions: Does the new age really benefit women and their dignity?! Does it enhance relationships and intimacy?! Does it strengthen the family?!
On the other hand, there are those who believe in the principles of modesty, live by its laws, and are ok with them. Principles that are the special hallmarks of the people of Israel throughout the generations. In our Parasha, Balaam recognizes these principles as he watches over the camp of Israel from the peak of Peor, which overlooks the wasteland. He noticed the unusual arrangement of the camp; instead of all tents' openings facing inward, to the center of the encampment:
רָאָה שֶׁאֵין פִּתְחֵיהֶם מְכֻוָּנִין זֶה כְנֶגֶד זֶה, שֶׁלֹּא יָצִיץ לְתוֹךְ אֹהֶל חֲבֵרוֹ:
"he saw that the entrances of their tents were not exactly facing each other so that one could not peer into the other's tent" (Rashi Bamidbar 24:2)
So he blessed them:
מַה־טֹּ֥בוּ אֹהָלֶ֖יךָ יַעֲקֹ֑ב מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶ֖יךָ יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃
"How goodly are thy tents, O Ya'akov, Your dwellings, O Israel! (Bamidbar 24:5)
Balak asked: How can you tell from looking at the nation from the peak of Peor what is their attitude to the modesty and morality of the sexes? and so'. The answer was:
"מה -טובו": לא "מה יפו" אלא "מה - טובו"; "בתיך" מתאימים לחזון המוסר ולטובה האמיתית של אומה, וכו'. כל בית וכו', מעביר אל הדור הבא את ברכת השלום הגופני, הרוחני והמוסרי. וכו'. את נועם הרוחניות העדינה והאצילה עם האומץ וכח העמידה"
"How goodly are your tents": Not "how beautiful" but "how good". Your "dwellings" fit the moral vision and true good of a nation, etc. Every home, etc., passes on to the next generation the blessing of physical, spiritual and moral peace, etc. The gentle and noble spiritual grace with the courage and strength of endurance" (Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch ibid). For thousands of years the adherence to the principles of modesty maintained the existence of Judaism.
Recently, women, (some of whom are non-religious), have also asked to show the beauty and relevance of observing the laws of family purity, Mikveh and Nida. They testified to their feeling that the laws of modesty respect their femininity, empower them and strengthen their relationships.
The issue of integrating female combatants into the IDF cannot be detached from this discourse either. There are those who want to integrate female soldiers in the infantry, armored and special units, while completely ignoring the fact that such a move will not allow religious soldiers to serve there according to Jewish law, and may cause the IDF to become an 'army of tribes'. They disregard the natural physiological difference between men and women. There are enormous physiological challenges required in these units, with a high risk for health damage to female soldiers. They are ignoring the impact of such a move on the intimate social cohesion required of combat operational units, especially in ongoing operational extremes.
The discourse of modesty is fundamentally complex. There is a built-in contradiction between public discourse and ‘modesty’, which should be modest. But at this time it seems there is no choice.
While this discourse is being made public it should be emphasized that in Jewish law there are two perspectives in relation to modesty:
a) 'Functional Modesty' - as a set of rules of conduct: self-control, mastering one's impulses and postponement of gratifications, and determination of space between the sexes so as not to be challenged, based on the principle: אֵין אַפּוֹטְרוֹפּוֹס לַעֲרָיוֹת
“There is no guardian for illicit sexual relations” (Tosefta Ketubot 1:9)
This is a point of view that sees the rules of modesty as dealing with human weaknesses (which there is no point in denying their existence). From this are derived rules of conduct between the sexes in society, in touch, in dress, and in the איסור ייחוד - issur yichud, prohibition of seclusion.
b) 'Modesty as an ideal' - as a high level reference to the principles of modesty, from a positive and non-defensive approach. A reflection of the value that Halacha sees in designing a respectful and noble attitude to man’s 'image of G-d', and to his virtues. And to the sacred bond between man and woman. As only within this bond, the most noble and sacred thing that man can bestow is possible, the creation of new life and procreation. It therefore sets high standards of sanctity, nobility, gentleness and maximum respect in the relationship between the sexes. Hence the respectful rules of conduct that are expressed precisely from 'creating a respectful distance'. A distance that is not 'exclusion' but 'exaltation'. Similar to the creation of a 'respectful distance' from high-ranking people with a representative role whose distance is respected, or to places of high value that are not treated lightly. This also results in an increase in the sensitivity threshold, and in giving meaning to subtle nuances in the relationship between the sexes and their meaning.