Dialogue that connects and brings people together.

Parshah and its implementation - Parshat Vayishlach and the war of the 'Iron Swords' - 5784

Rabbi Eliezer Haim Shenvald

Dedicated to the IDF soldiers' success, to safeguard them lest any harm come to them, to my son's speedy recovery - Mordechai Abraham ben Malka (may he live long), to the healing of all the wounded and the return of the abducted.

The joint stay of the soldiers, in regular service and reserve duty, before and during fighting, creates dialogue, it bridges and brings them closer, even though some of them have different and even opposing views. The more they share their stay, in the same place, throughout most of the day, the closer their relationship will be. The conversations created are more intense, leading to deep acquaintances and closeness, despite the differences. Especially when in need of cooperation for a long time, in crowded spaces, under the same stretcher, in the same tent, in a tank or an Infantry Fighting Vehicle-IFV. Dialogue makes them know each other. Tell each other about their lives, discuss common issues, make gestures one to another, and even argue about issues that stand in the limelight of the world. More often than not, these are sharp arguments that reach high tones and end in disagreement. However, in most cases, the relationship between them is not hurt. Despite the arguments and differences of opinion, there is a lot more that unites than divides.

All of these are intensified during dangerous missions when one person's life depends on the other. The joint actions, dialogue and kind gestures, bridges and creates bonding, strong friendships, and comradeship. Affection that penetrates deeply into the heart, fondness that turns them into 'brothers in arms'. Partners in fate. They trust each other, and if necessary, one will risk his life for the other.

For many of them, the affection and friendship continue even outside the military service, despite the differences in worldviews and lifestyles, even though everyone remains who they are. And if G-d forbid, one of them falls, they continue perpetuating his memory and embracing his family. As written in the song by Chaim Guri -  שִׁיר הָרֵעוּת 

כִּי רֵעוּת שֶׁכָּזֹאת לְעוֹלָם לֹא תִּתֵּן אֶת לִבֵּנוּ לִשְׁכֹּחַ

"Because such friendship will never let our heart forget"

The question that many ask: what will it be like 'the day after'? When G-d willing we will win this war, the soldiers will return to their homes, and to their daily routine. Will it be possible to preserve this wonderful friendship, brotherhood and fraternity, comradeship, and dialogue even around controversial issues, at the national level? How will we adapt dialogue bridging mechanisms around controversial national issues, and distance ourselves from all those who seek polarization and emphasize on diversity?

In this week's Parasha, the tension between the twin brothers- Ya'acov and Eisav reaches its peak. The verses describe what preceded the dramatic encounter between them and the meeting itself. The interpretations of the verses vary: on the one side some see it as a fraternity meeting after being disconnected many years, despite the tension between them:

באנו אל אחיך אל עשו - ומצאת חן בעיניו כאשר אמרת וגם הנה הוא מתוך ששמח בביאתך ובאהבתו אותך הולך לקראתך וארבע מאות איש עמו לכבודך. זהו עיקר פשוטו.

"We came to thy brother, to Eisav - Out of the joy at the impending reunion he approaches to meet with four hundred men, all in your honor. This, basically, is the plain meaning of the verse". (Rashbam Bereshit 32:7)

However, Ya'acov was afraid of him:

ויירא יעקב - בלבו, אף על פי שהראה לשלוחים כי לכבודו מתכוון, הוא לא האמין שמחשבת עשו לטובה אלא לרעה.

"Ya'acov feared.  Internally.  Even though he gave the messengers the impression that Eisav intended this out of respect, he [Ya'akov] did not believe that Eisav's thinking was favorable but was rather for ill". (ibid 8)

And on the other side, some interpret Eisav's going towards Ya'acov as a way to hurt him, out of hatred:

באנו אל אחיך אל עשו. שֶׁהָיִיתָ אוֹמֵר אָחִי הוּא, אֲבָל הוּא נוֹהֵג עִמְּךָ כְּעֵשָׂו הָרָשָׁע, עוֹדֶנּוּ בְּשִׂנְאָתוֹ

"We came to thy brother, to Eisav - to him of whom you said he is my brother, but he behaves towards you as Eisav, the wicked — he is still harboring hatred." (Rashi Bereshit 32:7)

Ya'acov readies himself for the meeting and prepares for all the possibilities:

הִתְקִין עַצְמוֹ לִשְׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים, לְדוֹרוֹן, לִתְפִלָּה וּלְמִלְחָמָה. לְדוֹרוֹן, וַתַּעֲבֹר הַמִּנְחָה עַל פָּנָיו; לִתְפִלָּה, אֱלֹקי אָבִי אַבְרָהָם; לְמִלְחָמָה, וְהָיָה הַמַּחֲנֶה הַנִּשְׁאָר לִפְלֵיטָה:

"He prepared himself for three things: to give him a present, for prayer, for war.

Presents — as it states (32:22)  וַתַּעֲבֹ֥ר הַמִּנְחָ֖ה עַל־פָּנָ֑יו- So, the present passed before him". (Rashi 9).

The 'present' included generous gifts, as well as verbal gestures, inviting for dialogue and neutralizing hatred. When he sent the first emissaries:

וַיְצַ֤ו אֹתָם֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר כֹּ֣ה תֹאמְר֔וּן לַֽאדֹנִ֖י לְעֵשָׂ֑ו כֹּ֤ה אָמַר֙ עַבְדְּךָ֣ יַעֲקֹ֔ב...

"…and instructed them as follows, “Thus shall you say, ‘To my lord Eisav, thus says your servant Ya'acov… (Bereshit 32:5)

When sending the present:

וַיְצַ֥ו אֶת־הָרִאשׁ֖וֹן לֵאמֹ֑ר כִּ֣י יִֽפְגׇשְׁךָ֞ עֵשָׂ֣ו אָחִ֗י וּשְׁאֵֽלְךָ֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר לְמִי־אַ֙תָּה֙ ... וְאָֽמַרְתָּ֙ לְעַבְדְּךָ֣ לְיַעֲקֹ֔ב מִנְחָ֥ה הִוא֙ שְׁלוּחָ֔ה לַֽאדֹנִ֖י לְעֵשָׂ֑ו...

"He instructed the one in front as follows, “When my brother Eisav meets you and asks you, ‘Who’s your master?... you shall answer, ‘Your servant Ya'acov’s; they are a gift sent to my lord Eisav…” (Bereshit 32:18-19)

Even for those who consider the other side of the coin, the verbal gesture did indeed soften Eisav at the meeting:

וַיָּ֨רׇץ עֵשָׂ֤ו לִקְרָאתוֹ֙ וַֽיְחַבְּקֵ֔הוּ וַיִּפֹּ֥ל עַל־צַוָּארָ֖ו וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ וַיִּבְכּֽוּ׃

"Eisav ran to greet him. He embraced him and, falling on his neck, he kissed him; and they wept". (33:4)

נהפך לבו כמו רגע בהכנעותיו של יעקב... כאמרם ז"ל שאחיהו השילוני קלל את ישראל בקנה הנכנע לכל הרוחות

"His attitude changed suddenly when he realized to what extent Ya'akov had humbled himself before him… This corresponds to what our sages taught us (Taanit 20) that the curses of the prophet Achiyah Hashiloni were more beneficial to the Jewish people than the blessing showered upon them by Bileam". (Sforno Ibid)

And hence a lesson of bridging dialogue for generations:

הן לו עשו כן בריוני בית שני לא היה נחרב בית מקדשנו כמו שהעיד רבי יוחנן בן זכאי באמרו (גטין פרק הנזקין) בריוני דבן לא שבקינן:

"If the Jewish people during the period of the second Temple had taken his advice to heart, the Temple would not have been destroyed. Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai testified to this when he said “if not for the militant extremists the Romans would not have destroyed the Temple.” (Sforno 33:4)