‘Man and wife’ - partnership or covenant

The Parasha in our everyday life - Parashat Noah, 5783

Rabbi Eliezer Shenvald - Head of the Hesder Yeshiva 'Meir Harel' Modi’in

A little over a decade ago there was a change in the use of a central term in the field of the relationship between a man and a woman. Instead of using the term 'married', the use of the term 'in a relationship' increases. And it’s taking root in conversation, and not without a reason. The terms we use reflect the concept underlying them, even if not all those who use them are aware of their meaning, and identify with them in a declared manner.

Even in the past there was a conceptual diagnosis of the situation during the period of acquaintance and 'dating' before marriage and between the situation after the establishment of the relationship. It received the obligatory name 'marriage' or 'man and his wife', 'wife and her husband'. Or in the fuller and more binding term 'marriage covenant'. The term 'partnership' reflects an airy expression of a contemporary relationship between spouses, rather temporary, in which there is no absolute, long-term commitment for the future, of the spouses to each other, nor to the establishment of a joint family unit and the raising of children together.

Some see this change as part of the effects of the postmodern era, which is characterized by the difficulty to hold absolute and long-term commitments. And some see it as the result of general erosion of the status of the family institution, and the influence of permissiveness on Western culture.

One of the characteristics of the Jewish people, throughout the generations, is the 'Jewish family'. On the one hand, in the centrality it received within the Jewish community, and in its place in Halacha and Jewish thought, and on the other hand, in the attitude of the nations of the world, who observed it from the outside and noted its uniqueness. When Balaam observes Israel's camp in the desert, he notices its uniqueness and is moved:

מַה־טֹּ֥בוּ אֹהָלֶ֖יךָ יַעֲקֹ֑ב מִשְׁכְּנֹתֶ֖יךָ יִשְׂרָאֵֽל

“How fair are your tents, O Yaacov, Your dwellings, O Israel! (Bamidbar 24:5).

It is one of the reasons for the extraordinary survival of the Jewish people, and the preservation of its heritage, despite the hardships it went through.

Regarding the marriage covenant, the prophet says:

וְהִ֥יא חֲבֶרְתְּךָ֖ וְאֵ֥שֶׁת בְּרִיתֶֽךָ׃

“…though she is your partner and covenant spouse.” (Malachi 2:14)

The 'pact' is an expression of a deeper commitment, which does not only come to regulate the interpersonal relationship between the spouses. The couple make a pact of loyalty and mutual commitment between them, which is meant to be preserved until their last day, and is supposed to withstand all the crises that may come their way, even when for one of the parties it is no longer convenient. A deep and demanding covenant of devotion and love.

It is not for nothing that the foundation of the family in Judaism is called: Kiddushin. And standing under the wedding canopy we say the blessing:

אֲשֶׁר קִדַּשְׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הָעֲרָיוֹת, וְאָסַר לָנוּ אֶת הָאֲרוּסוֹת וְהִתִּיר לָנוּ אֶת הַנְּשׁוּאוֹת לָנוּ עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' מְקַדֵּשׁ עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין"

“Blessed are You, Hashem our G-d, King of the universe, Who sanctified us through His mitzvot, and commanded us concerning the forbidden relatives, and prohibited to us those women who are betrothed, and permitted to us those women who are married by means of the wedding canopy and betrothal. Blessed are You, Hashem, Who sanctifies Israel by means of the wedding canopy and betrothal”. (Ketubot 7b)

Judaism sees family and relationships as a divine, metaphysical value,

דָּרֵישׁ רַבִּי עֲקִיבָא אִישׁ וְאִשָּׁה זָכוּ שְׁכִינָה בֵּינֵיהֶן לֹא זָכוּ אֵשׁ אוֹכַלְתָּן

“Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. (The words ish and isha are almost identical; the difference between them is the middle letter yud in ish, and the final letter heh in isha. These two letters can be joined to form the name of G-d spelled yud, heh). But if due to licentiousness they do not merit reward, the Divine Presence departs, leaving in each word only the letters alef and shin, which spell esh, fire. Therefore, fire consumes them." (Sotah 17a).

The flood we read about in our Parasha was a restart of the world. The world reached a moral low that made it consume itself.

"וַיַּרְא אֱלֹקים אֶת הָאָרֶץ וְהִנֵּה נִשְׁחָתָה כִּי הִשְׁחִית כָּל בָּשָׂר אֶת דַּרְכּוֹ עַל הָאָרֶץ

“When G-d saw how corrupt the earth was, for all flesh had corrupted its ways on earth”. (Bereshit 6:12) the corruption of robbery and lawlessness, of prostitution and unchastity and damage to the family framework, which caused the disintegration of humanity and its self-destruction:

“Without external influences, as a natural consequence, not due to man’s ecologically criminal behavior. Although on the surface, there appeared to be no connection, man’s corruption resulted in the corruption of his habitat. The end product of man’s corruption bringing in its wake, though invisibly, the destruction of the earth’s crust” (Sforno ibid).

Those who came to the ark, the survivors of the flood, formed the basic molecule from which the revised and upgraded new world was initiated. In the commandment to Noah, the scripture emphasizes the words 'man and his wife' also regarding the animals. It is a unique concept throughout the Torah.

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר ה' לְנֹ֔חַ בֹּֽא־אַתָּ֥ה וְכׇל־בֵּיתְךָ֖ אֶל־הַתֵּבָ֑ה כִּֽי־אֹתְךָ֥ רָאִ֛יתִי צַדִּ֥יק לְפָנַ֖י בַּדּ֥וֹר הַזֶּֽה׃ מִכֹּ֣ל הַבְּהֵמָ֣ה הַטְּהוֹרָ֗ה תִּֽקַּח־לְךָ֛ שִׁבְעָ֥ה שִׁבְעָ֖ה אִ֣ישׁ וְאִשְׁתּ֑וֹ וּמִן־הַבְּהֵמָ֡ה אֲ֠שֶׁ֠ר לֹ֣א טְהֹרָ֥ה הִ֛וא שְׁנַ֖יִם אִ֥ישׁ וְאִשְׁתּֽוֹ׃ גַּ֣ם מֵע֧וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֛יִם שִׁבְעָ֥ה שִׁבְעָ֖ה זָכָ֣ר וּנְקֵבָ֑ה לְחַיּ֥וֹת זֶ֖רַע עַל־פְּנֵ֥י כׇל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃ כִּי֩ לְיָמִ֨ים ע֜וֹד שִׁבְעָ֗ה אָֽנֹכִי֙ מַמְטִ֣יר עַל־הָאָ֔רֶץ אַרְבָּעִ֣ים י֔וֹם וְאַרְבָּעִ֖ים לָ֑יְלָה וּמָחִ֗יתִי אֶֽת־כׇּל־הַיְקוּם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר עָשִׂ֔יתִי מֵעַ֖ל פְּנֵ֥י הָֽאֲדָמָֽה׃ וַיַּ֖עַשׂ נֹ֑חַ כְּכֹ֥ל אֲשֶׁר־צִוָּ֖הוּ ה'׃ וְנֹ֕חַ בֶּן־שֵׁ֥שׁ מֵא֖וֹת שָׁנָ֑ה וְהַמַּבּ֣וּל הָיָ֔ה מַ֖יִם עַל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃ וַיָּ֣בֹא נֹ֗חַ וּ֠בָנָ֠יו וְאִשְׁתּ֧וֹ וּנְשֵֽׁי־בָנָ֛יו אִתּ֖וֹ אֶל־הַתֵּבָ֑ה מִפְּנֵ֖י מֵ֥י הַמַּבּֽוּל׃

“Then Hashem said to Noah, “Go into the ark, with all your household, for you alone have I found righteous before Me in this generation. Of every pure animal you shall take seven pairs, males and their mates, and of every animal that is not pure, two, a male and its mate; of the birds of the sky also, seven pairs, male and female, to keep seed alive upon all the earth. For in seven days’ time I will make it rain upon the earth, forty days and forty nights, and I will blot out from the earth all existence that I created. And Noah did just as Hashem commanded him. Noah was six hundred years old when the Flood came, waters upon the earth. Noah, with his sons, his wife, and his sons’ wives, went into the ark because of the waters of the Flood”. (Bereshit 7:1-7)

“Man and wife” אִישׁ וְאִשְׁתּוֹ is an expression of a close, symmetrical, strict and binding relationship. It will be the foundation of the new and improved world after the flood. It contains a binding 'covenant' and not just a 'partnership'.

And hence also G-d's eternal covenant with humanity, in the following chapter, that it will never be broken. And the sign of the covenant - the Rainbow:

וַאֲנִ֕י הִנְנִ֥י מֵקִ֛ים אֶת־בְּרִיתִ֖י אִתְּכֶ֑ם וְאֶֽת־זַרְעֲכֶ֖ם אַֽחֲרֵיכֶֽם... אֶת־קַשְׁתִּ֕י נָתַ֖תִּי בֶּֽעָנָ֑ן וְהָֽיְתָה֙ לְא֣וֹת בְּרִ֔ית בֵּינִ֖י וּבֵ֥ין הָאָֽרֶץ... וְהָיָ֕ה בְּעַֽנְנִ֥י עָנָ֖ן עַל־הָאָ֑רֶץ וְנִרְאֲתָ֥ה הַקֶּ֖שֶׁת בֶּעָנָֽן׃ וְזָכַרְתִּ֣י אֶת־בְּרִיתִ֗י אֲשֶׁ֤ר בֵּינִי֙ וּבֵ֣ינֵיכֶ֔ם וּבֵ֛ין כָּל־נֶ֥פֶשׁ חַיָּ֖ה בְּכָל־בָּשָׂ֑ר וְלֹֽא־יִֽהְיֶ֨ה ע֤וֹד הַמַּ֙יִם֙ לְמַבּ֔וּל לְשַׁחֵ֖ת כָּל־בָּשָֽׂר׃

“I now establish My covenant with you and your offspring to come, I have set My bow in the clouds, and it shall serve as a sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth, and the bow appears in the clouds, I will remember My covenant between Me and you and every living creature among all flesh, so that the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh". (Bereshit 9:9-15)